Like a Light Switch

Turn-offs. 

Stage five clingers, the douche bag who talks about himself, the weird kid that bites you, the guy who sends the same text twice. I get it. I have those same cliche turn-offs too. I'm listing six of my distinct ways to ensure you will never see this little gal again.  These six little turn-offs work like a light switch. An automatic "do this and Hallie will be over you" button of some sort. Sends me running for the hills.

Number 1. Kiss too early. 

Looses the charm. The tension. The anticipation of the first kiss. Ultimately creates a gay as aids story of how your first kiss was on a nappy, dirty couch after watching an episode of Seinfeld. "Wow, that is...original?"

Number 2. Get sappy.

Emotional bonding takes time.  Nothing says 'basket case' like the boy who tells you his tragic story in vivid, scaring details the second time you have ever even seen his face. All people have luggage/baggage, I more than anyone, TRUST ME. But you gotta keep that crap in the trunk until you have them under your little thumb, that's when you drop the bomb about all those little struggles. Bam. They already love you, its too late to go back. ;)

Kidding about that last one.  But seriously. It takes time to build trust. When that happens, feel free to sapp me up all you want baby boy.

Number 3. Be good at everything.

Come on now. This is unfair to us normal humans. Creates the untouchable factor. Which is an attractive quality…but kinda defeats the purpose of trying. Because, you know, you're untouchable.

Number 4. Tickle.

For some stupid reason there is always the thought process of "Oh. If I pin her down and tickle the hell out of her then she'll wanna kiss me." Nothing could be farther from the truth. Tickling is a violation of trust.  When we are cuddling I am trusting you to place your hands in areas that will not make me squeal like a girl. Instant turn-off and possibly some slight hatred is awarded to any human who tickles me. 

Number 5. Feet.

Do not touch me with them.

Do not touch mine.

Do not ask me to give you a foot rub. 

 Footsies is OUT.

Feet are just the nastiest things.

And finally, last but not least.

Number 6. Be named Nathan.

Mostly this is just because I work with an annoying boy named Nathan who feels the need to spread rumors that he and I are dating when I am not even interested in him.

Ta-freaking-dah.

Cheers :)