Vulnurable.

Lets get real.

And I mean like really real. 

Like the kind of deep that only happens after you've sat around a tiny camp fire for who knows how long, its 3 in the morning, and you've been building the depth of the conversation with each new topic getting more and more personal. That's where we're about to go.

Once upon a time, I started this blog.

Not for attention.

Or because I love people telling me I'm a good writer. 

(Even though I know I love the attention. Dangit.)

Not even because I was bored.

I started writing because I was really sad. 

And alone. 

And scared of telling anyone about how I felt.

 I had convinced myself that unless I was the happy girl, no one would want to be around me. I was convinced that my feelings didn't matter, no one cared about my sad days, and that people only wanted to hear about the happy ones.

So, I started writing about all those irrational thoughts running rampant in my head. And only posted the (semi)funny or happy ones that I wrote. But saved on this website, are a plethora of "real talk" posts. Those days when I am crying. And confused. And frustrated at the world. Ironically enough, I still am the only person who can read all those posts.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.

In the past, I dated some boys. And sometimes, I dated really bad ones.  Ones that would use and abuse me. Emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually.  And because of their manipulative ways, and my low resistance to any sort of peer pressure, I had been convinced that it was always my fault.

I was the one who asked for it.

I wanted them to show me my "weaknesses"

I ran in that tank top that showed too much skin.

I was the only one who had a past, with skeletons crawling around in my closet.

I was the one who didn't have self control. 

I was the one who couldn't feel bad or sad because HE would get mad when I brought up those feelings.

It would always be my fault.

My friends didn't care deeply about me either. Because they didn't appreciate me the way that HE did. My own parents and siblings didn't love me the way that HE did. HE was the only one that appreciated all the little things I did everyday. 

BULL

So why am I sharing this?  

I don't know.

Maybe there is someone out there in a similar relationship that needs to get out of it.

Maybe you're depressed but feel the need to hide it from the world.

Maybe someone needed to know that you aren't the only one.

Maybe someone needs encouragement.

Maybe you feel completely alone.

Maybe you can't even relate to this because your problems are bigger, or different, or harder.

Again, I don't know why I'm telling this story to the whole wide internet web (okay so really only like 5 of you).

Let me just tell you something I learned because of these, and hundreds of other experiences.

YOU ARE LOVED. 

People care more than you know.

There is a light at the end of tunnel.

Experiences make you stronger. Give you more compassion. Make you wiser for the next time, allow you to care for others in a way you wish you would have been cared for.

Happiness is somewhere in your life. Find it. Create it.

I don't care what you aspire to be, what religion you believe in, or what you are struggling with...YOU can do it. 

You can achieve every dream. 

You have the potential to be the best.

This hard thing you are going through right now matters.

And guess what? It is hard. It's not just in your mind.

You are going through EXACTLY whatever you need to for some unknown reason that will make itself evident in 14 years.

Stop worrying.

Listen to your mother. Always.

Take time to be alone. To let your mind think through your problems.

Don't you be afraid. Ever.

Learn to listen to your heart. It won't lead you astray.

Talk. 

Listen. 

Respect others.

Stop comparing your battles to anyone else's.

You are unique. Wanted. Strong. 

And you are a child of God. Whatever God you believe in. He cares about you. Knows you. Loves you.

Your life has a plan, and a purpose.

But most importantly of all, you are going to get through this. 

One day at a time. 
I believe in you.